Put your own oxygen mask on first
About misplaced priorities, the respectable addiction that is work, and self-care for entrepreneurs. Also, you will gain access to a powerful tool to craft a more purposeful life.
Two weeks ago, Daniel - founder of AtlasZero - wrote about his struggle to prioritize himself first.
Prioritizing himself first? That sounds super selfish.
Let me give you some context and explain why I think it isn’t.
I will also give away an exercise that helped Daniel to gain more clarity. It might help others as well.
🏴☠️
PIRATE Family at a glance:
division5 had 450 applications for the recent call for internships. Young people in Albania are entering the tech industry in droves. They are smart, motivated, and willing to learn! Reach out to me if you are looking for talented developers.
PIRATEx has published a guidebook to create extraordinary event experiences that leave a lasting impression. 36 pages full of actionable tips and strategies for event professionals. It’s the book I always wanted to write but never did. You can download the guidebook for memorable events for free. (This version is in German, the English version is coming soon.)
Also, you might have noticed that I changed the domain of this publication. You can now find it at www.arrr.co.
🏴☠️
“I cannot stop now, too much still needs to be done”
Daniel is building AtlasZero while living the life of a digital nomad.
Traveling through Eastern Europe, he faced a debilitating ear infection that led to facial nerve palsy, leaving half his face numb.
He had to take antibiotics, had hardly any energy, and couldn’t even move the left side of his face.
This should have been a moment of forced rest. A natural pause in his journey.
Not him. Somehow, he couldn’t stop working. He didn’t know why. This is what he wrote:
“Whether it's the fact that my parents always went to work even when they were sick. Or whether it's the hustle culture celebrated in the entrepreneurship industry. Or whether it's my need to prove my self-worth, which I am doing through my work. I just felt like I always have to give 110% if I want just a chance to succeed with my startups.”
Does that sound familiar to you?
It’s a recurring theme. And he is not alone. There are more than 50 comments under his post. Many people are sharing similar experiences.
Also, I see this as a constant theme with the entrepreneurs in “my inner circle”.
Entrepreneurs are drowning in “shoulds” and “must-dos”? Hustle culture praises the perpetually busy, the martyrs to constant action.
I have written about when work becomes too much before. Here is an excerpt that fits well:
“Working long hours comes with a rush and a sense of accomplishment. A feeling of satisfaction from being productive, meeting deadlines, and achieving goals.
Look at me. Look at how many hours I worked. Look at the challenge I solved today.
It’s an amazing feeling that gives a sense of self-worth and being needed. A respectable addiction. One for recognition and applause.
I would even say that frequently, the intensity of working long hours brings us to a place where we have the illusion of feeling ourselves. That is because once we are used to the grind, we have become accustomed to merely functioning. We have lost the ability to be in touch with our feelings and needs.
If we are radically honest, we often find that working excessively actually just helps us to cover up our underlying feelings of isolation, guilt, and dissatisfaction.
It can extend so far as to believe that if we are not always active, we don’t have a right to exist or to be.
Paradoxically, solving the overwhelm by delegating more, doesn’t solve the problem. It intensifies it. Now the feeling of emptiness just increases because there is nothing to fill it with.
Better to continue working. Or so it seems.”
Does this resonate? What can we do about it?
Guidelines give direction when things are unclear
Daniel and I speak daily. As is custom in the PIRATE culture, the question of “How are you, really?” comes up repeatedly.
I had noticed that he wouldn’t stop working despite being ill.
In our culture, we value taking responsibility for ourselves. So, I took it slow. I made my remarks about finding enough rest, but I let him be.
It took me some time to realize that he couldn’t stop working. I have been there myself and have seen it with other entrepreneurs.
Although the right action to take is seemingly simple (“take a few days off to recover”), it can be hard to see it - or submit to it - when in the process yourself.
This is where having a system of guidelines proves invaluable.
Guidelines help give direction when visibility isn’t clear. Just like guardrails on a winding road – unnecessary in clear weather, but crucial during fog or darkness.
I have formulated guidelines for different life areas. For working at PIRATE, we have defined them years ago in our culture book.
One of my guidelines is: “Put your own oxygen mask on first.”
What sounds selfish isn’t. It’s self-care. And it’s very smart. Every flight safety briefing reminds us to put on our oxygen mask before assisting others. The same principle applies in life.
Your health shouldn’t be a sacrifice; it's the foundation for everything you do.
By prioritizing well-being, you cultivate the clarity, energy, and resilience to contribute, support, and assist – as a leader, parent, or friend.
It’s the only way to show up as your best self. And that’s what the world and especially the people around you need.
The ability to contribute at your fullest stems from abundance, not depletion.
As the saying goes, “You can't pour from an empty cup.”
Taking care of yourself
There's a lot of advice out there on self-care - yoga, meditation, journaling, cold exposure, breathwork, and so on.
While these practices can be incredibly beneficial and increase well-being, they often don't resonate with those who’d profit from them most.
So, what are some guidelines for self-care that appeal to the busy entrepreneur?
First, recognize the red flags:
Constant exhaustion: You're always drained, even after a good night's sleep.
Dwindling motivation: You struggle to find the drive to tackle tasks or face challenges.
Trouble focusing: Your mind feels foggy, and it's difficult to concentrate.
Dread of the day: You wake up feeling overwhelmed and dreading the tasks ahead.
Feeling like you're drowning in to-dos: Your list never seems to get shorter, and you constantly feel behind.
These aren't badges of honor; they're warning signs that your current approach isn't sustainable. Ignoring them is like ignoring a check engine light - it won't end well.
Here are my three most effective guidelines that everyone can start to incorporate, my entrepreneur survival kit if you will.
Sleep, like a baby!
It's not rocket science, but it's amazing how many of us neglect this basic need. I have for decades, and I completely changed my thinking about it in the last few years.
I believe sleep to be the most important factor for well-being. Or, to put it in business terms: Prioritize sleep like you prioritize your cash.
Boundaries like fortresses!
Don't let work bleed into every corner of your life. Schedule time for activities you enjoy outside of work, learn to say no, delegate when possible, and reclaim your evenings.
As an example, one of my guidelines when my first child was born was “Be home for dinner at least six days a week.”
This was probably the most impactful guideline in my life. It played a huge role in building the strong relationship I have with my children today.
Support squad, assemble!
You're not in this alone. Find your tribe, whether it's a mentor, a group of fellow entrepreneurs, or even a therapist.
Having a support system can provide invaluable guidance, encouragement, and a safe space to share your struggles. Yes, I am biased - because of my “Inner Circle” - but I would wholeheartedly recommend it without.
Remember, exhaustion isn't failure. It's a chance for course correction. An opportunity to reassess, reprioritize, and build a more sustainable version of yourself and your business.
Now, go get some sleep, and build something awesome.
But before you go, one more thing.
Chart Your Course with the Life Compass Exercise
A few years ago, I created a Life Compass Exercise to share with fellow entrepreneurs in my “Inner Circle”.
It’s a simple yet powerful tool for self-reflection. It helps you gain clarity on what truly matters and chart a course toward a life that feels more like, well, your life.
I use it as a monthly check-in for myself. It's designed to be action-oriented and requires only 15-20 minutes of your time. It’s time well spent.
During one of our recent sparring sessions, I recommended it to Daniel, and it proved to be very insightful to him, too. Daniel asked me why I never shared the Life Comparison Exercise publicly, as “many people can benefit from it”.
Yeah, well. I don’t know. 🤷♀️
This weekend I sat down and published it. You can download it for free!
I hope it gives you valuable insights. Tell me how it went, and what you learned!
🙏
Be kind,
Manuel
Thanks for sharing the life compass exercise!