🏴☠️ What are you willing to give up for success?
At a glance
Confirmed: One of the most successful humans is coming to PIRATE Summit this year.
We have a distorted definition of success, because we usually compare outcomes, not the journey that got people there.
Understanding how we or others define success reveals the motivations for our actions and gives hints at our underlying attitudes and beliefs.
If we are successful at something, we most likely aren’t very successful at something else. It's not possible to have it all.
We are the most comfortable generation that has ever lived on this earth. However, we aren’t the most joyful, the most grateful, or the most loving generation. Why not?
What does success look like for PIRATE Summit?
The most significant thing is that our definitions of success are our own. What does success mean to you? Reply to this mail or comment.
Big PIRATE Summit announcement
Last week, I confirmed one of the most successful humans to come to PIRATE Summit this year. 💪
Who do you think it is?
A hint: Female, very experienced and super successful.
Can you guess by now?
Who are you thinking of?
What characteristics and traits does this person that you are thinking of have?
If you watch your assumptions closely, you will get a good idea of what “success” means to you. And also, what you think I consider a successful person when making such an announcement. Essentially, what we as society think success means.
Here is the big revelation: My mom will be coming to this year’s PIRATE Summit. 😱
I bet you weren’t thinking about her. And I admit that success in that case is very subjective (but hey, she bore and raised six kids). As is all perception of success.
And that is the topic of this edition.
Our perception of success
First, let me unwrap success a bit.
The word “success” comes from the Latin word “successus”, which means “a coming after”, “attainment”, or “outcome”. The word was first used in the 16th century to mean “the achievement of something desired, planned or attempted”.
That’s also what most definitions I have read focus on: Achieving something that you really want and feeling happy about it.
This definition lacks a crucial component in my opinion: the process leading to achievement. We have all experienced that most if not all the things we do - e.g. building a business - we are in training or try-out mode.
The training process is where we spend the vast majority of our time. We can’t just jump to the achievement. It takes practice and effort to get us there.
And most of the time, it is the skill and experience you gain in the process - and the effort invested - that makes you celebrate the final step.
Reaching a mountain-top by foot feels very different from being dropped off there by a helicopter. Either way, once we reach what we wanted, the feeling of joy is brief, and not long until we’ll long for more.
One thing is looking at our own success. Most of our suffering comes from how we view that of others. Frequently what we see is just a facade that we take for the whole thing.
It is difficult to see beyond it. All the struggles, all the failures, and all the breakdowns. We can't grasp their journey, so we end up comparing the outcomes.
In the end, we have a distorted definition of success.
With that wrong perception comes the nagging feeling of:
Why is it hard for me and not for others? What am I doing wrong? Or even: What is wrong with me?
Sound familiar? You are not alone.
I have been a companion for entrepreneurs for more than 15 years now. Even the - from the outside and by all societal standards - very successful people know this feeling and continue to have it once they have achieved “success”.
It has to do with the bucket of shame that I’ll write about in one of my next editions.
Pulling away the curtain
Definitions of success are highly subjective.
They are formed based on our experiences, our needs, our desires, our beliefs, our morals, and our priorities.
And our definition will likely change while we dance through life. The definition of success as a teenager might not be the same as when we are starting out in our careers, having a family, or retiring.
One thing remains constant, though: Understanding how we or others define success gives a view behind the curtain of why we do what we do.
It reveals the motivations for our actions and gives hints at our underlying attitudes and beliefs.
A good exercise is to ask yourself (and others): What does success look like for me?
You can’t be successful at everything
Especially in my twenties and my early thirties, I have felt like I was not succeeding at everything that I wanted in life.
It took me some time to accept that I couldn’t (and still can’t).
To be successful, we must make choices and give up other things because we can't have it all. It is about where to focus our energy and what we are willing to let go. At least for the time being.
A few weeks ago, I was asked by a friend and soon-to-be father whether he should give up his job for pursuing his startup idea.
And while I am all for taking the leap of faith and trying to make a startup work, the context here was quite a bit more complex.
It required careful consideration.
A startup is like a baby. Especially in the beginning, it will require a lot of attention, energy and time. Certainly for first time entrepreneurs.
The process of having a human baby and starting a startup baby at the same time is tough. There is a real risk of burning out or not doing both well.
Hobbies, family, friends, career, me-time; something has got to give. That doesn't mean you're an uncapable person - it just means you're prioritizing something over something else.
Deprioritizing family - something I often see when working with entrepreneurs - is unpopular and thus super tough. For ourselves to admit, but also for others to understand.
And yet, we have got to be honest with ourselves (and those affected): Where are my real priorities, right now?
The most comfortable generation, yet we aren’t the most joyful
In 2021, I spoke about success at our PIRATE Night event. I still think it is relevant today and fits this edition well. Here is a shortened version of what I said.
We are the most comfortable generation that has ever lived on this earth.
However, we aren’t the most joyful, the most grateful, or the most loving generation. In fact, there have never been more people taking antidepressants.
We assume that with all our inventions and innovations - warmer houses, plenty of food, convenient means of transport, etc. - we are creating true progress, and humanity should be better off.
Somehow that isn't the case. Why not?
I would argue that it has a lot to do with our definition of success. We are being told that a bigger house, a faster car, a better career will make us happier.
If you are very honest with yourself, you know that isn’t the truth.
There is a case to be made that money will solve our money problems. But it won’t bring us lasting joy. We are always longing for more.
The important things beyond survival (food, clothes, shelter), money cannot buy.
You can buy medicine, but you cannot buy health.
You can buy a bigger house, but you cannot buy a home.
You can buy books, but you cannot buy wisdom.
You can buy toys for your kids, but you cannot buy their love.
Money cannot buy respect, nor friendship.
We need to rethink and broaden our definition of success.
What has helped me is to look inward. I believe that there is a lot of truth in what Naval wrote a few years back.
He defined true wealth as
🧘 A calm mind
💪 A fit body
❤️ A house full of love
All three cannot be bought. They need to be earned and consistently maintained.
Success for PIRATE Summit
When writing about success, it’s just fair to talk about what success looks like for PIRATE Summit?
In the past, it was all about meaningful connections and went something like this (it changed slightly over the years):
“PIRATE Summit for us is a success, if you as a participant create at least two meaningful connections from being part of the event.”
Last year, I have expanded it, to reflect the idea of “Making business more human”:
“We consider PIRATE Summit a success, if you walk away from the event knowing yourself better and being a better human being - and business leader - as a result of your time there.
One good indicator is, when you have more clarity of what you want more and less of in your life and business, and act accordingly.”
There is plenty to be said about whether the last description is measurable enough. To me, that’s not the point of this exercise.
Some indicators that we measure are various quantitative and qualitative feedback scores, retention and engagement rates as well as financial essentials like revenues, costs and profit.
The latter are not a good indicator of success to us, as that’s not why we do PIRATE Summit (we would have quit many years ago if we’d measured success based on them).
The financial indicators are essential for “staying in the game” and being able to do PIRATE Summit again. They aren’t a strong driver for our behavior.
What is your version of success?
“Does money make you happy?”
If you ask a room full of people, most will say no. That’s - often - the socially “right” answer.
“Do you want 1,000 €?”
All hands will go up again.
Something is up. It isn’t so simple.
Have you ever thought about what success means to you?
Do you prefer money to inner peace, career over family, or do you have any other definition of success that isn’t popular?
Ultimately, I believe what counts is that our ideas of success are truly our own.
Sometimes we get caught up in what other people think success should look like, or what society tells us we should be striving for.
There's nothing worse than working hard for something and realizing at the end that it wasn't really what we wanted all along.
Therefore, I want to invite you to think about this question:
What is your definition of success?
Reply to this mail or comment on my LinkedIn post. I’d love to know.
Note: If you intend to come to PIRATE Summit this year, make sure to get your ticket soon. They are still in early bird. And who knows, maybe you’ll meet my mom. She is great!
🏴☠️
Be safe, be healthy, and be kind. 🙏🏽
Manuel