Life is a possibility
Life is a possibility
You are the Captain of your life. Here are four essential questions that will help you shape it and live a more intentional life.
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On Tuesday, I gave a lecture at the University of Applied Sciences in Aachen. I was asked to speak about entrepreneurship and what makes an entrepreneurial mindset.
Half of the talk was about “How entrepreneurs see the world”. With an emphasis on traits that are useful for entrepreneurs. Things like tenacity, resilience, bias for action, decisiveness, etc. Traits you are probably familiar with.
As I spoke to students and not all of them were (upcoming) entrepreneurs, I wanted to leave them with something useful for their personal journey.
That’s why, in the second half of my keynote, I talked about being the Captain of your life. Something I have discussed in various settings in 2021 and 2022. Mainly in the context of our #RaiseYourself theme.
Here are some of the thoughts and observations from that second part of the talk.
You are the Captain of your life
Consider a blank canvas.
A blank canvas doesn’t hold a quality in itself. It holds a possibility. It can become something.
But it depends on what the artist makes of it. One color? Multiple colors? Oil, watercolor, acrylics? Glue a picture or an object on top of the canvas? Or go full 3D with clay, paper mache, or other materials? You could even cut it into pieces and re-arrange it entirely.
The artist has the freedom to create and destroy. To add or subtract.
Sure, there may be some constraints and limitations, but that doesn't mean something beautiful and unique cannot be created.
For me, life is just like a blank canvas. It’s a possibility. Waiting for us to create our masterpiece.
You are the artist, or - to stick to business language - you are the Captain of your life.
What will you make of it?
If life is a possibility, and we are the captains of our lives, that also means that we have responsibility for it. And if we take that responsibility seriously, we better know what we are doing and why. That requires us to be more intentional.
Here is where radical self-inquiry is useful.
Let’s look at what that is.
Radical Self Inquiry
Self-inquiry is basically self-reflection.
When we do it sincerely, clarity will follow. Clarity in understanding our thoughts and emotions, identifying our biases, limitations, or perceptions, and becoming more aware of our strengths and weaknesses. That clarity helps us recognize our values and attitudes and reveals patterns in our behavior.
Radical means being extremely honest about it. That’s tough, as what we find may not correspond with who we want to be. To soften that tension, we tend to downplay, whitewash, or justify it. The voice in our head is extremely adept at that.
Radical self-inquiry is about making the unconscious conscious.
By doing so, we aren’t longer just reacting to the world around us. Instead, we become aware of our compulsions, triggers, etc. That awareness gives us the responsibility, but also the possibility, to actively shape the world and our place within it.
But how to do radical self-inquiry?
It all starts with asking questions. Not just any question. As Douglas Adams wonderfully put it in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," the answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42. But what was the question?
Finding the right questions matters. And while answers can change over time and context, profound questions rarely do.
Some of the typical questions for radical self-inquiry are:
What is my purpose in life? What motivates me, and what do I want to achieve?
What are my core values and beliefs? How do they shape my decisions and actions?
What are my strengths and weaknesses? How can I strengthen my strengths and weaken my weaknesses?
What kind of person do I want to be? What qualities do I admire in others, and how can I cultivate them in myself?
What brings me joy and fulfillment? How can I make more time for those activities and experiences in my life?
What are my biggest fears and insecurities? How can I confront and overcome them?
How do I want to impact the world around me? What kind of legacy do I want to leave?
What relationships are most significant to me? How can I nurture and strengthen those relationships?
What do I need to let go of to move forward in my life?
How can I prioritize my physical, mental, and emotional well-being?
While these are fascinating questions, they can be overwhelming. Where to start?
If you want to start with something “lighter”, you can.
Here are four essential questions.
The four essential questions
The answers to these questions have a huge impact on your life.
Whether you answer them consciously or not, you implicitly have answered them by living life. This is an invitation to be more intentional about it.
The questions are most impactful in early adulthood and are best revisited throughout life.
Here they are:
Where do I live (home & surroundings)?
What do I spend my time on (work & hobbies)?
Who do I spend time with (friends & colleagues)?
Who is my partner (love & family)?
I kept these questions very simple and short on purpose.
Just like that blank canvas, they are a possibility. A pointer to start exploring. In the end, it’s what you make of it.
Soon you may find that the exploration will guide you to examine the underlying motivations, values, fears, etc. behind your answers. Which may lead you to a wondrous journey filled with more questions.
In general, useful follow-up questions usually start with “Why”. Why is this important to me? Why do I have that desire? Why do I prefer this over something else?
A few thoughts - not answers - from me on the four essential questions.
Where do I live (home & surroundings)?
Two years ago, I moved closer to nature. Turns out that was a wise decision as it brought a big upgrade in my perceived quality of life.
A place - especially if we call it home - is more than just a physical location; it is where we build our lives and create memories. It carries significant emotional, social, and cultural value shapes our identity, defines our sense of belonging, and influences our lifestyle.
Our surroundings shape not only our lives, but they hugely influence how we see the world.
How would your perception of the world change if you’d live…
In a close-knit community with supportive neighbors?
In a country that you don’t speak the language of?
In the woods without any neighbors for miles?
On the 74th floor, overlooking the city?
Far away from your family and friends?
In a big house with plenty of rooms?
In an area with high crime rates?
In the center of a big city?
In a small one-room flat?
Next to a noisy street?
Near the ocean?
On a farm?
How would your well-being change? Would your quality of life increase? Would you be more or less productive?
The good news is: There is no right or wrong. It really depends on what is most beneficial for you right now. Your preference may change with time and circumstances. It certainly did for me.
Here are some more factors to consider when pondering this question:
Location (environment, including the climate, culture, and community), safety, access to resources (healthcare facilities, schools, and job opportunities), transportation (public transportation, highways, and airports), natural surroundings (parks, natural spaces, and recreational activities) and design & aesthetics (your living space, including the amount of natural light, cleanliness, and organization).
Naturally, the world is not a “make-a-wish” place. We all live within certain constraints. Work, money, kids, people you care for, etc.
Nevertheless, knowing what you want more or less of can give you a direction to strive for.
What do I spend my time on (work & hobbies)?
There are two places to see a person's true priorities: Her agenda and her bank account.
Specifically, what do I spend my time on, and what do I spend my money on?
Check yours now. I’ll wait.
Does it reflect what you think and say are your priorities?
I have written about when work becomes too much. Just guessing. 😉
But back to the topic.
Of those two, time is the most limited and valuable resource we have. Let’s reflect on what to spend it on.
And again: Life is a possibility. I don’t mind how you spend your time. It’s your life. It is what you make of it. There is no right or wrong.
A few things to consider when pondering that question.
The day's structure
Very roughly, a normal workday for an average working person will split into something like this:
8 hours of sleep
8 hours of work
8 hours of other time (family, friends, chores, hobbies)
Luckily, we have statisticians who enjoy crunching numbers, so we don’t have to. Here is an overview from 2016 of how people spend their time in various countries.
This post is already long, so I leave it to you to look at the findings in more detail.
It confirms the assumption that people spend around 8 hours sleeping, leaving less than 16 hours of waking time. What we do with those hours matters. It defines whether we feel fulfilled or frustrated, energized or exhausted, smiling or grim. It’s what we make of it, remember.
Given that at least 30% of your waking hours you spend working (paid and unpaid), choosing the type of work matters. Time is too precious to spend it on something that brings discontentment.
The most painful feeling is when you realize that the thing you have been working on wasn’t what you wanted to do all along.
Let’s extend that perspective to a full life.
A bird's-eye view of our lives
“You are going to die” might be the most motivational five words ever.
Currently, the average life expectancy of “developed” countries is somewhere between 78 and 84 years. We can assume it will increase further over the next decades (although it recently decreased in the US). For simplicity, let’s assume 84 years of life.
Your whole available life will look something like this.
How often do you watch a sunset/sunrise?
How often do you visit your parents?
How often do you go on vacation?
This should give you a good picture, of how many you have left.
Assuming you are 28 years old with a life expectancy of 84 years, that would mean you have:
20,440 days left
8,619 workdays left
2,920 weeks left
672 months left
56 years left
How many times will you…
👫 Spend time with your best friend?
🌅 Watch a sunrise/sunset?
🏋️♀️ Go to the gym?
🚗 Drive to work?
📖 Read a book?
🍽️ Have a date night with your partner?
💃 Take a dance class?
✈️ Go on vacation?
👨👩👧👦 Meet your parents?
Are you satisfied with that outlook? Anything that needs to be deprioritized to make more room in your calendar? Anything you should do more frequently?
Who do I spend time with (friends & colleagues)?
“Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are.” We have all heard that phrase before. And whilst trite, it holds an element of truth. Of course, the people we surround ourselves with influence our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.
Besides that, we are social creatures, and as such, most of us crave community and seek out social interactions. In Western societies, being isolated is widely considered one of the harshest forms of punishment. Even hardened criminals do not generally seek solitary confinement.
Here is an insightful graph that shows how time spent with your family, your partner, yourself, and colleagues changes throughout a lifetime.
This is a helpful reminder for me to cherish the time I spend with my children now. I will most likely never spend as much time with them as I do today in any given future 12-month period.
Most of the time between 20 and 65 we spend with coworkers. That again highlights the importance of choosing your workplace carefully.
Think about your own circle of friends and colleagues. Do they inspire you? Do they challenge you? Are you at ease around them? Do you feel supported? Do you feel you belong? Do they leave you exhausted? Do they reinforce negative beliefs?
Who do you want to spend more or less time with? Strive for that.
The only curve that seems to increase steadily from 30-something onwards is “being alone”. Better to get comfortable with it. It’s likely it will increase for you as well.
Last, but not least, about the time you spend with your partner.
Who is my partner (love & family)?
This is probably one of the most impactful questions and decisions in life. It deserves a post on its own. This post is already longer than I expected, so I will keep it short. Just a few thoughts.
Our partner - it will probably be more than one through our lifetime - is most likely the person that we spend most of our time with throughout our life.
That holds a tremendous possibility.
It can be a relationship that can shape our happiness, well-being, and sense of fulfillment in ways that last a lifetime - or not. One in which we can grow together - or not.
While physical attraction or shared interests might be the starting point for a partnership, it's rarely what keeps it alive.
In the end, a relationship needs continuous effort and commitment. Something that - so it seems - people are less willing to commit to when the next potential partner is just a swipe away.
Once kids enter the picture, effort isn’t longer optional.
You may choose to split up as a couple. However - at least for the first 18 years of your kids’ lives and assuming you care about them - you will have to keep some kind of relationship with your ex.
Having a foundation of shared values and priorities can make things easier. It allows for willingness and commitment to work through disagreements, to compromise without holding grudges, and to find ways to communicate effectively with each other.
Lots to explore here. But that’s for another post.
Let me know
Are these four basic questions helpful for you? Any questions you would add? Did you have an “Aha”-moment reading this post?
Let me know by replying to this mail. I read them all and answer every reply.
Oh, and thanks for reading all the way to the end.🙏
🏴☠️
Be safe, be healthy, and be kind. 🙏🏽
Manuel